I've had some misunderstandings occur this week: things I did not clearly understand regarding what others were expecting, and things that others did not clearly understand regarding what I was expecting. After an interaction between the CEO and myself left him frustrated with my recommendation, my supervisor intervened. She pulled me aside and explained to me the merits, and imperative, of
resonance, defined as the quality in a [sound] of being deep, full, and reverberating. Somewhere along the way, social psychologists, adopted the term and replaced
sound with
dialogic resonance. The key strategy that my supervisor cited for me to work on was repeating back what was said to arrive at clarity around expectations and to build mutual respect in conversations.
I'm appreciative that this insight occurred on the coattails of a key insight gleaned from EL's July Issue, Nurturing Well-Being in schools, Fixing Your School's Well-Being Ecosystem. I knew from the moment I read this piece that it was going to be in my reflection this week:
Spread Blameless Discernment
Acknowledge openly that we all play the blame game. When things go wrong, we blame ourselves, others, circumstances, or some combination of the three. But getting to a "better normal" will require what's often referred to as blameless discernment. Muster as much objectivity as you can to ascertain what is really happening rather than simplistically attributing the problems to one person, group, or circumstance. And even if practices a particular group tends to follow do seem to be part of where things have gone off-track, frame this discovery in terms of where to start solutions rather than pointing fingers.
Is your default, "If I were a better leader, my teachers would be OK" or "If the teachers would just act like adults …" or "Once the pandemic is over, ___ won't be an issue"? These are examples of blaming oneself, others, or circumstances. Each may hold part of the truth, but the root problem—and solutions—are likely more nuanced, and you can't solve the root problem unless it's correctly identified.
As you shift organizational norms and practices to help everyone reclaim their energy, collaborate with key colleagues to use blameless discernment to understand how you got to where you are, what needs to change, and how to best lead that change. Questions that can help you adopt this mindset include, "What might an observer new to our situation point out about how we got to where we are?" "What data might we examine to confirm or dismiss our assumptions?" and "Are we failing to see our own blind spots or failing to step into the shoes of others to better understand their needs or actions?"
In a conversation with a colleague this week we resonated that emotions matter. And as I kept at more fully understanding what lay in the resonating insights I was capturing, I discovered both how essential they are to highly functioning teams and organizations AND how deficient I am in creating resonance. In fact, it is often enough the case that I am at the root of ill feelings. After a week of navigating heightened negative emotions, I am receptive to the message that blame and assumptions are not only unnecessary but may be increasingly counter-productive. Having conversations, with the disposition of spreading blameless discernment as described above, is impetus for highly productive resonating discourse (see: Leverage High EI Conversations).
I am grateful for this week's insights because I think they are going to serve me well in the coming years, both at work and at home. More that that, they are going to serve others well, my wife and family included. Sorry if I gave you a hard time, honey. :)
Further Reading:
